How If Becomes When

Burn the ships, Then sink or swim.

“If I can save up enough money, I can have the show that I want. If I can have the show that I want, I can show the world my perspective. If I can show the world my perspective, everything will change for me.” This is how I used to think until I realized these “IFs” were limiting my expectations and affecting my actions. 

This is an exercise in language. 

Get The Paint On The Canvas

When I decided I wanted to be a painter, I just said “I am a Painter”. At that point I hadn’t even put any paint on canvas. I vividly remember the day I saw an art related post on social media that inspired me. I got up, ordered an uber and headed to the art supply store. With less than $100 to my name and I spent it all on 2 small canvases, a few paint brushes and a variety of paints. I think I picked five colors. It may seem like a lot for less than $100 but at the time it was Aaron Brothers and they were going out of business, so I cleaned up. When I got home I started researching how to paint. Looking for a step by step video or some kind of instructional on how to paint. I spent about three hours looking for something to guide me. I’m sure the thought was something like “If I can find a good how-to video, then I’ll be off to a good start. I never found a video. It wasn't an option for me, I needed to be the painter that I decided to become so I just started. That day my motto to myself became “Get the paint on the canvas”. I remember painting until 3AM that next morning. Taking my time and thinking through the work that I was creating while listening to Anderson Paak. This was the start of my journey as a painter.

Three years later, I’m in the same apartment. I gained some pretty cool accolades, a few thousand dollars of art sales under my belt, and an understanding of what I want out of my art practice. My dream was to have a stand alone studio. I would meet new people and refer to my apartment as my studio. It technically was because it was a studio apartment, but I knew the truth. I wanted a painting studio so badly because I felt like it would make me a real professional painter. Thinking “if I could get a studio, my practice will go to the next level”. I would be able to work way bigger and experiment with a variety of tools and materials in the space. This stayed on my mind and hoped that I could grow my practice enough and make enough art to help me obtain my dream of having a “real working studio”. So, I set out to do just that. I created a brand and a company, found ways to connect people with artwork and constantly shared my story hoping that these actions would catapult me to the highest of heights. When I was young a mentor told me to write my goals down. I learned that writing down my goals helped me to gain clarity and specificity, while serving as a reminder of what I wanted whenever the process became difficult. So, I had a checklist going:

• Get 2,000 instagram followers ✅
• Sell a painting for $500 ✅
• Get my art into a Gallery ✅
• Show my art 20 times in public ✅
• Get a studio space
• Sell a painting for $1,000 ✅
• Show at 3 Major Art Fairs
• Art Basel
• Get my Artwork on TV ✅
• Generate $100,000 worth of business

… And so on.

I was doing it. I started, it was working and I kept on going. Three more years pass and Boom, a moment of clarity.

Burn The Ships

I became what I said I would be. I was a painter. Expressing myself through my work, sharing it with other people and I was lucky enough to earn some decent money in the process. I checked off a handful of goals, but there were still a lot of goals that were unchecked. “Get a studio space” was staring right at me. At this point I knew that I'd become a more refined artist. I had proven to myself that I could do this over and over. I needed a studio space if I was to grow and scale what I had created. I was living my dream and I had no doubt in my mind that I would obtain everything I’ve ever wanted and more.

With so much confidence in myself and my ideas, I had a clear vision of what my life and practice would look like. As always doubts crept in. Maybe I wouldn't get a studio. Maybe I would just work out of wherever I was living forever. Maybe that was the best choice. I put so much effort attempting to get a studio but I didn’t know how I’d do it. The vision of how things could be wasn’t enough, I needed to stop hoping I’d hit my goal of getting that studio that I’d wanted for so long and  make it happen. Thinking back to the day that I decided I was a painter. I remember firmly making the choice and "burning the ships". I left myself painting as the only option. Remember, I spent my last dollar on art supplies. I depended on the sale of those small canvases to pay my rent and feed me! I was so inexperienced, when I think back on it now I realize just how insane and risky making a decision like that is. 

Looking back over my checklist and thinking back to the day that this all started empowered me to take control, make a firm decision and yet again, burn the ships. At this time I was living in an apartment in Glendale that I hated. Again, I was running my business and creating large amounts of artwork from that apartment. It was the end of my lease and I decided, the next place that I pay rent will be a working art studio. I started my search for the perfect studio immediately. I found a few that I liked. Then, one in particular that stuck out to me. I’d seen this space before on Facebook Marketplace and reached out to them two years prior, but got no response. So I took another shot and I got a response the next day. I went to see the space and right then and there I knew it would be the new home of Flower Boyy Studio. The price was right and the location was right. The studio itself was clean and spacious with all of the natural light that I’d need. I paid the deposit and rent and within a week I was completely moved into my first studio. 

Check

Sometime during my first month of working in the studio I found the time to revisit my checklist.

• Get a studio space ✅

Staring at me again was the line that read “Get a studio space”. I checked it off the list and added a few more items. My studio and it is everything I expected and more. I wanted it so badly, I was patient and I learned that it wasn’t so hard to obtain after all. Half of me believes that things that we desire most have a divine timing and happen when they are supposed to instead of when we want them to. The other half of me believes that we have the power to obtain whatever it is we want as long as we are open to receiving it. We tend to get in our own way and limit our capacity to turn our ideas, wants, visions and dreams into a tangible reality.

This is an exercise in language and thought.

“I think therefore I am” is a quote I live by daily, but I like to take it a step further and say “I speak therefore I am”. Whatever we think about is what we talk about and whatever we talk about manifests itself in our reality. When I began painting it’s all I could think about and talk about. I was always looking for opportunities to paint something, practice and become a better painter. I would have visions of myself drafting invoices, speaking at gallery events, delivering artwork to collectors homes and the general public recognizing my brand. About five years into painting I remembered how I spoke what I wanted to be and began being it. 99% of the time it is just that simple. While my thoughts run wild with possibility, these days I find myself very aware of my language. “IF’s” become “When” when I begin to believe it. I speak my reality and what I want my reality to become. Sometimes the things that I say can sound delusional to some, but I speak what I believe. Sometimes I speak what I wish I would believe and secretly I think that I eventually will if I say it enough. 

-Von